Becoming obsessed with my fears at the expense of my dreams!

It was some restaurant, guess the one I visited a few days before and
I met my immediate juniors of engineering college. Don't ask me how we
happen to bump in each other, it quite seems like all planned. And
they have such pity on their face for me, that I left UltraTech and
joined a local B-School. What might have went wrong with him, Why not
any other better B-School of Pune or Mumbai with a better package and
standard.
It was for a few seconds I was with them.
It was only when the phone rang and I woke up that I realized it was
but a dream, a bad dream.


My previous job which I barely ever felt that I did, only I know how
dispassionate I was there. Pay-rolls, sitting in office, other
functions, the natural aptitude what they call it, dealing with people
damn it not Me, not my type. Ever since I left it and started walking
on the other side, chose to walk the path of great resistance life
hasn't been easy for me. So many questions, this constant turbulence
which is happening inside all the time, reasoning explaining why this,
why not that.


Yesterday I met a friend of me, this time not in dream but in real and
he still was suggesting to think one more, HELLO I have joined and you
know everything, different interviews I gave for a teaching job, about
my offer letter, the day of joining and we have been talking about my
job responsibility and how I am feeling awesome about this job for
last 41 minutes to be precise.


Another friend I met after years also kind of asked me, " Don't u
think a little more experience in Industry would have been good? "
OK. Yeah she also said You doing the right thing, your previous job
wasn't made for you and many other things in my support and actually
loved my decision.
But when I sleep I don't remember all those supporting words from
people who loved my decision and praise my so called doing different
things always from the world, REAL WORLD!


Fine. I am in office again, ready to start day's work. Yet I must
confess everyday, every moment I keep reminding myself of the greatest
warriors - Patience and Time, to feel good and alive and happy. No, I
am not trying to convince myself. And right I don't confess, I am
telling you.
My Dad, as my Mother said felt sad and was worried about my decision
to do such a low paid job. I told him - Papa I accepted it, fine won't
earn good money.


I know for myself and 'accepted' can't have a car, even a new bike for
some more time & won't be able to spend lavishly when I will meet
friends, show-off. Have a new mobile or give my family a good amount after
making my own life comfortable. Asked them for his support a little
more.


I am scared but confident. I am happy, no doubt. And Yes I am where I
always wanted to be, the place what I know I belong to. Leave apart
whether or not I am True/RIGHT!


Not gonna spoil what I have now by desiring what I have not;
remembering that what I now have was once among the things I only
hoped for. Though not completely the way it should be.


He he, I read it somewhere “If you want to feel rich, just count the
things you have that money can't buy” !!!
Ok!

Standing At The Fork In The Road

The path of least resistance:

Focus on making good money, have a secure job, buy a house, buy a car, live for the weekend, work for the man – even if you’re uninspired, trapped and aggravated, save up money to retire and enjoy life then. In the meantime buy lots of stuff, concentrate on building relations, networks. Come office, seat on your table, insulate yourself from the outside world, that office is your whole world, go back to sleep. Repeat cycle daily.

The path of great resistance:

Live now, enjoy your work, work for yourself, don’t buy a car – walk to work, ride your bike, take the train, invest in yourself what you value more which is a lifestyle, by loving your work the week becomes the weekend and the weekend is just another night. Work is your play. Be exposed to the intricacies of the natural world, to people, to life flowing all around you. Smile and take action.

I feel crazy of myself for choosing the harder path and sometimes think that there’s something wrong with me for not chasing the money-house-job complex.

I know it in my heart that very soon I will have to make a decision…I will have to choose & the only way to move forward is to pick one and start walking. Presently, I am neither here nor there kind of situation.

Because of the weight and impact of the moment, and limited preview of each option, I find myself completely paralyzed at the head of the fork unable to execute and make a decision.

Internal navigation system seems to be jammed too.

I don’t understand why is it became so important for me to do what makes sense, is practical or what everyone thinks one should do…

Please share your thoughts by commenting….

Birthday celebration .. 2008

I celebrated my birthday here ..
It might be looking as if I have done some real work for them n helped them a lot..
Tell You guys the attention they hav given me.. n the way they danced, sung n celebrated MY birthday ws simply unforgettable.. I didn't have a cake also to cut on my birthday, they arranged a cake for me on their own n made me feel soo special..
They were so happy and we have became such nice friends....
I never thought it will be such a pleasant experience.. I truly never had such a birthday in my life before..

They can't speak yet they expressed their love in numerous ways.. and the best.. they all prayed for me thru signs .. n have prayed tht I achieve success n stay happy ahead in my life..

I cn nvr say tht I gav them anything.. nope !! I owe them many things..
I m at debt here ..
Their Blessings, Love, Care and Attention r simply priceless !!

Jonathan livingSTONED seagull.

While on way to final(hopefully!) round of Birla's interview,  way too nervous, having that feeling of blankness and now waht, praying & hoping every second for things to  materialize.
Huh.. and like always when scared on such matters, I start looking for things n stuff that helps me  forget same, u know doing some otherwise worth things. However, I was in train, so not much of options I had then.

But I did  had Jonathan livingstone seagull with me.
The very first epic I read of Richard Bach  way back in my 10th standard. The man I worship.

It says - People who make their own rules when they know they're right...people who get a special pleasure out of doing something well (even if only for themselves)...people who know there's more to this whole living thing than meets the eye: they'll be with Jonathan Seagull all the way. Others may simply escape into a delightful adventure about freedom and flight. Either way it's an uncommon treat.

The biggest load of self-indulgent, pseudo-inspirational tripe I've read in my life! So U know  how I relate so  much and so well :-)


Jonathan(the hero) first did wonders by flying higher and so higher that no other gull of his breed or any breed for that matter has ever flown. Way too high.
And he was held guilty for reckless irresponsibility, violating dignity and tradition of Gull family.
Jonathan cried, " Who is more responsible than a gull who finds and follows a meaning, a higher purpose for life? A reason to live - to learn, to discover, to be free! 
Give me one chance let me show you what I've found ... "
But he was cast out of gull society. 
Poor Jonathan was so proud of being different.


Jonathan Seagull spent the rest of his days alone and kept learning more each day.
And one day the star-bright gulls came and took him along
Jonathan reached heaven, without dying. 

After becoming the best in flying and yea.. the one who achieved the greatest height, he wanted to come back to Seagulls who have never experienced Heights.
Are you experienced ?

And thus he becomes a teacher to all those normal - ordinary - plain seagulls who have never seen/ thought/ imagined flying so high, flying u know.
And he emerged as the son of god. Then, called Devil for he is corrupting mind and making people also taste something which will end up outcast them and worst they won't think they r outcast but special, gifted.
End of the day, he emerged a winner and Jonathan Livingstone Seagull was called the son of god.
You don't need to know/ understand/ believe in faith, all U need know/ believe is in flying. Actually the same.

 Let me conclude with one of the truest thing ever said by anyone -

"The only true law is that which leads to freedom.
There is no other."

And as they say Be what you are, don't try pretend. How waste of life trying to become someone else.
Thanks to Jonathan Livingstone Seagull, I so much feel ME now.

Confessions of a Wanna-Be Teacher.

Is it just Me or the world around has gone pessimist too
Now I am really confused, dwelling between reality & fiction what I thought is reality.
My last post was about how world need a teacher & no other than the Lord Krishna himself can do it better.
And the tone was - Ohh ! Alas this world, Kya hoga iskaaa.

Hey! Happy Teacher's day.
In the last year of my college, my love for teaching has made me passionate for a career in teaching. I used to  go half an hour before sessions to empty classrooms and take classes.

Soon after completion of course, I came back home & started looking for a possible opening in B-Schools.

Given the tags I am carrying - DC, IET & IMT & after interview & actually a good demo session I was liked by all. But then with a questionable face they asked, why ain't you going for corporate or anywhere else.
You are talented.
Is their something wrong, why on earth you coming to teaching. And yes their attitude was really Caring.

I so much wanted to tell them about my love for teaching & how I consider(ed) it a matter/career of choice. I got selected in one of the most PRESTIGE_ious and best ranking college.
While explaining me the work culture and responsibilities, as an advise I was told that ' Don't try teach more or involve a lot in subjects, act very diplomatically, No one's here to study.'
Just pass the time, enjoy here, students are really funny & interesting, work is ... aah so easy.
You need to take 10 classes a week of Any(!) subject U want.
I had it in my heart .. & mind that given a good growth opportunity and tell-able salary to start with, I would want to stay and continue, for I am so much in Love with this profession.

The world of reality is stranger than ever thought.

The net result is that the teaching profession is not able to attract the best talent.
Alright I am not the best.
Worse, in a world that respects only success and equates success with material success, there is a steady erosion of respect for teachers & knowledge and in my poor city, the condition is poorer. There are 60 B-schools in Indore, can you beat this ??? !!!
The unspoken, but widespread, belief is that a person takes to teaching only because he/she could not get an opening elsewhere.
Yeah teaching is a profession & vocation, but guess its now only vocation.

Then again, maybe I am wrong. Maybe teachers will retain the decent position they have now on the food chain, but for the moment I have dropped plan of becoming one, and will rather find a place in corporate world and do what even if I regret,  I won't be again adding more to my Insanity & Insane actions.

Most important, my parents are really happy, as they say - chalo, shaam ka bhula, subah bhi ghar laut aaye toh use bhula nahi kehte ... Akshat kehte hai. :-)

PS : - I truly, deeply respect the teachers I had in my life, for they have shaped me & made me the person I am today; it was love towards them and respect, that I was wanting so badly to join this profession. So, forgive me for such a write up. I am myself disappointed.

The new pleasure

Last night I invented a new pleasure, and as I was giving in the first trial an angel and a devil came rushing toward my house.
They met at my door and fought with each other over my newly created pleasure;

the one crying, " It is a Sin !"

the other, "It is a Virtue!"

Krishna - The God We Need Now.

The God we need today

One we can relate us with

The only God with a smile on face, who dance and sing songs and celebrate love.

I remember how much I loved listening to stories of Krishna, especially when I lay my head in Maa’s godi just moments away from losing consciousness.

Hey wait … But is a child conscious, at all ?

Is he really conscious of what, when, how to say, act, BEHAVE, Conscious of thoughts, emotions and importantly why is one thinking or feeling so.

Nope!

In every child exists God or rather – “Bacche Bhagwaan ka roop hote hai” & the only God we can identify a child with – KRISHNA.

Child - Mischievous, Wise, Innocent who if feels sad/anything wrong cries the hell out, though is always happy & when smiles, smiles 100 percent.

No sharam, no dharm, no rules, no education(gyaan) License to do whatever he wants. Careless, freely he can move, talk, and do anything.

They listen, feel, act with heart, may be brains aren’t functional then, or ANYONE WANT THEM TO USE.

Hmmm… The Absolute Joy – Krishna.

*

Stealing butter, Taking away clothes of Gopiyaa while they are taking bath, the whole village running after him & leaving no extent in troubling mom.

For sure I RELATE TO HIM !

*

In the recent years I have seen dreams changing, sense of accomplishment is sensed differently now, neither work nor excellence mattering, & the only GOD - Moolah !!!

Till a few years back, religions, prayers going to temples were so important. From stories of Krishna the world has moved to stories of Harry Potter. The magic is same, and so goodness & yes.. indeed even the success in religions taught, who off course changed with time too.

Even the stories of childhood celebrities are in fashion now.

Krishna has been reduced to wall photo pasted in front of the bed of expecting mother & those idols(in competition with ganesha’s) which indeed is a beautiful gift on valentine to impress your girl.

So much has changed.

*

Being a child –innocent, thinking from heart will now be called Insane.

“Only two kinds of people can stay happy in this world one is child, the other Mad.”

Either ways is difficult to accept yet so much desired, I mean the advantages being one.

So the only chance is to have a God like Krishna, follow him & you can be in Absolute Joy, bliss & Love.

What one wants is now called unreal, things to be kept only for entertainment.

*
I remembered once my mother told me that one reason for calling Saints home is to make child see it, teach him respect & build belief in religion, saints & god. An important part of education

Teaching On the name of religion, Things not-to-do list.

*

The world as I see has become/accepting being spiritual than religious. For spirituality don’t force you into rules, laws, guidelines on how to eat, dress, sleep, LOVE & what not. Even being one, you can completely reject it completely, believing and making world believe it too that there is no word like spirituality in life’s dictionary.

*

And Lastly I heard that Krishna was actually a psychologist, the world’s greatest.

No doubt God is in so much love with psychos, the world's full of them.

A beautiful story has been created around him and has been marketed perfectly as INFINITY.

In living or dead, even those without life, in every creation is KRISHNA.

Sab mein Krishna hai.

Yes there may not be any connection in different paragraphs here, yet my point remains same --- the world needs Krishna today.

Krishna nee begane baro

Krishna nee begane baro

Come down and help us

Save all the little ones

They need a teacher

And you are the only one

We can rely on

To build a better world

A world that's for children

A world that's for everyone

Krishna nee begane baro

Krishna nee begane baro

Come back as Jesus

Come back and save the world

We need a teacher

You are the only one

Come back as Rama

Forgive us for what we've done

Come back as Allah

Come back as anyone

Govind bolo Hare gopal bolo ….